You can ride out the storm

It may get windy

I’m going to get really real right now. A few weeks ago, I hit, what I can only describe as, an emotional, physical and spiritual wall.

One day I was fine and the next, not so much. A wild journey for sure. Reminiscent of years ago when to walk a flight of stairs was overwhelming.

Like trudging through thick mud. Limbs weighing a thousand pounds tears flowing like rapids, over the smallest things.

Sudden and profound deep pain and I couldn’t put into words what it was about. All I knew, it was dark and it was deep.

I thought days like this were long gone. Years had passed since it felt like the black hole was overtaking my soul.

Suddenly and without warning, life was being pulled out of my Spirit and nothing I did could stop it. All the tools I had at my fingertips weren’t working except to sit with it.

I can’t say I sat in the pain very easily or elegantly. I fought, I resisted, I got angry at it, I had several temper tantrums, I sobbed, I screamed, I wore myself out like a wild child.

The clouds are clearing slowly and light is beginning to appear again. Grief found in the dark corners of my soul? Was this what I was experiencing?

I’m not sure and I don’t suppose it matters. Whatever the storm was it was vast, heavy and cold.

I am so grateful for friends and family who know when to talk and when to hold space. To just sit with me while I cry. Who don’t expect me to answer any “why are you crying?” questions. Because the answer would have been, “I have no idea.”

It’s sometimes not necessary to know why but just to allow the feelings to come forth. As agonizing as it may seem, one cannot sustain full crisis mode forever. You will flow back down again.

The storm of emotions will pass. Sun will begin to shine again, even if it’s a hair crack of light through the clouds.

Hold on. Grab whatever you can. Squeeze someone’s hand. Breathe. It may get windy and you have the ability to bend, to ride out the storm.

Photo brilliantly generated by Chris Boyer